You’re a photographer having a family portrait session with a family with a young child or a few children. You’ve done all your prep work, you’ve talked with the family, you’ve picked a great location with your client and they arrive looking film ready and perfect.

You’re just about to start filming or you’ve been filming for a little bit and you notice that the kids are starting to get a bit upset and uncooperative. Soon the child starts to cry or outright refuses to do anything, effectively bringing the photoshoot to a standstill.

What do you do??

The photoshoot has to go on no matter what right? Right?

Here are my professional recommendations of what to do when a kid just isn’t having it during your photoshoot.

1. Panic

2. Blame yourself

3. Blame the parents

4. Blame the kid

5. Run away

Just kidding!

The above list is 100% the wrong way to think and act!

The only thing that should be on your mind is:

Kids are kids and this is what kids do!

I like to remind myself that kids, especially young children, are bundles of lovable emotion and when they’re happy and laughing, it’s awesome. However, you also have to expect the opposite from them, and sometimes they can quickly go from having a good day to having a bad day, even a very bad day.

As the photographer, this can make you feel uncomfortable and even self conscious and bring up a feelings of inadequacy. I mean, as a professional shouldn’t you be in control of the session? Everyone should be having a great time and no tears? and if not, it’s ultimately your fault, and everyone now thinks that you’re a fraud photographer right?

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

There is no one at fault, not you, not the parents, not the location, not the wardrobe, not the time of day, not even the child!

You have to banish those negative thoughts. Judgment isn’t going to help you or the parents and it will never get your shoot going again.

Instead of going inside your own head and beating yourself up and feeling no longer connected to your clients, put yourself in the parent’s shoes. They cleared their schedules days, weeks, or months in advanced, they got everyone up early, everyone all dressed up and then got everyone in the car and drove to a location for the purpose of you filming their family and now one of their kids is having a tough time after everything they’ve done to get their family here. They’re all a bit stressed and maybe even feeling a bit defeated at this point. When one or all of their children start not having it during the photoshoot, parents themselves get self conscious and sometimes even embarrassed.

The truth is no one should feel bad, and if you can be the picture of non-judgment during your sessions, everyone will pick up on it and follow along. The same can be said if you start to freak out.

But back to the photoshoot.

So now you have a kid or kids crying, not listening and no longer wanting to film. You have parents trying their best to calm the child and get everything back on track, and sometimes it doesn’t work or it calms them down for a few minutes. You now have a family who are outside the filming process and you’re standing there with a camera in your hand. What should you do?

You have to remain calm. You need to be the zen photographer, after all, you’re a great family photographer because of that attitude. No one wants a high strung, easily agitate photographer filming their family of younger children. Kids and parents are great at picking up emotional cues and you won’t be around long if all your photoshoots have the energy of tension.

You also do not need to take control over soothing or “tow the line” with the child, you need to let the parents do their thing. She is their child, and they probably know why she is upset, what she needs to calm down. They’ll do their best to get her to be happy again. If you try to erroneously take that role because “it’s your photoshoot” you’ll just be making things worse.

However, you can take control as the photographer in charge of the creative process of the photoshoot.

Be receptive to why the child is upset. Did he want to climb the cool looking branch over there but you’re now shooting at the hill next to it? If that’s the issue, you have my permission to chuck the shot list for a few minutes and shoot out the cool looking tree branch! Let him climb it like a tight rope, have him stand on it while mom stands next to him holding his hand. You now have made him a giant in his eyes and he is almost as tall as mommy. He may then throw you a snotty nose, drying tear filled, beaming smile at being the king of the log.

While that shot may not be the prettiest portrait of their child. The parents will have this special picture of their son’s personality and childhood captured perfectly in one frame. Kids are able to go from sad to happy in an instant sometimes and the transition makes for a great candid portrait.

Here’s another example:

I’ve was filming a family and one of their children brought his toy truck and wouldn’t take it out of his hands for photos and would stare at it constantly. When he would look at me he would be holding the truck out to the camera, blocking his face and his younger sisters. While they made for cute images, it was difficult to get a family shot with it and if his parents tried to put it down, he was not a happy camper.

It seemed to me that he was really excited about showing off his favorite toy, and I figured we could use that to make everyone happy. We were able to make a game of him “hiding” his truck behind his back. I would have him whip it out and show it to me while I snapped pictures. Then I would have him quickly hide it back from me.

He loved it and he couldn’t stop smiling. He was happy that he was showing off his truck and we were happy that he would be smiling while holding the truck behind his back and we were able to get great smiling portraits and family shots with it.

If you can get excited about what they’re excited about while filming you’ll be surprised at how creative the kids get with planning out shots for the photoshoot!

Remember! During a family photoshoot, the children are also your clients and you need to be receptive to what they want as well. They could be upset because they feel they aren’t being listened to by you or their parents!

Now,

If you’ve tried everything you can think of and nothing seems to be able to get the photoshoot back up and running, you can break the photoshoot into a different session on another day. By doing this you have effectively made the current session a half session and you will complete the remaining half session on another day, maybe even at a different location.

However please don’t just announce to the family that you’re ending the photoshoot to pick it up on another date. Just keep this option in your back pocket and bring it up to the parents as a potential option when you feel it’s appropriate. The family may just want to keep going after a few minutes break and that’s perfectly ok as well. It will be appreciated that you’ve given them the option even if they don’t want to take you up on it for whatever reason!

You maybe asking, “Do you charge them for this 2nd session?” Not a chance!

“Does this increase the workload on yourself as far as scheduling, filming, editing?” Of course!

BUT!

This is the level of service you need to offer to your clients if you want to become their go to family photographer. But flat out, they just deserve it.

Think about the session this way:

Usually during my family photoshoots the family is dressed more formally than their everyday lives. Mom and Dad are dressed nice and the younger children are usually in button down shits, pants or nicer dresses that may be a bit uncomfortable on them, which could be adding to the children being uncomfortable and upset. Assuming that I have half of a session with good portraits in these outfits, for the “2nd” session I like to recommend a more causal wardrobe and setting, even the family home or backyard is a great option.

The goal is to get the kids as comfortable as possible. If you can get into their comfortable space, you will get better portraits. If you film at their home, backyard, favorite park, they may tour you around showing you their room, toys, parents, siblings, pets and even what they do that makes mommy and daddy annoyed at home, while laughing up a storm. Film everything. Pose them together on the staircase, on the coach, at the kitchen table. Turn it into a day in the life portrait session.

However, be mindful that filming at the family’s home or backyard does put more strain on the parents as some may feel that they need to make the house “picture” ready. A familiar park or location where the family feels super comfortable would accomplish the same goal of creating a casual, comfortable, laid back photoshoot without making the parents feel like they need to make the house look like it did before they had kids.

“BUT!” You may be thinking.

“Haven’t you just given away a 2nd session for the price of one? Haven’t you just cut the price of your photoshoot by 50% for this family?”

Well technically yes, but you’re in this for the long game aren’t you? Investing in your clients pays out in the long run. Not many other photographers are willing to be so flexible and it’ll make you stick out amongst all the other shutter clickers. Also, you’ve technically now done two session with the same family, in different outfits so you’ve doubled your portfolio of images, while they are now doubly comfortable with you, making future sessions even easier and fun to film. You’re welcome.

To summarize:

The way to deal with a kid who just isn’t having it during a family photoshoot is to stay calm, empathize with the child and with the parents. You all have the same goal, beautiful family portraits. Listen and be observant as to why the kid is upset. Is it something you’re doing? Something you’re not doing? Is it easy to fix, like changing locations or giving the child creative control for a few shots? If not, do not hesitate to talk to the parents about ending the session early and doing a pick up shoot at a more comfortable location, with more comfortable wardrobe, etc. You never know what will happen and the images may turn out even better the 2nd time around.

Lastly, be open, be kind, be understanding, your job is to create beautiful family portraits that everyone will cherish, while having a pleasant time creating them. I’ve been lucky to have developed amazing relationships with fantastic families and their children once you remove judgment and just accept everyone for who they are. Photography is a collaborative creative process and if everyone feels heard, accepted and a part of the process, amazing things happen.

-Daniel